Communication with a person with dementia
From the perspective of someone living with Dementia, the world can sometimes feel a little bit unpredictable, and simple human warmth goes a long way. Approaching from the front - rather than from behind, which can come as a surprise- gives them the chance to see you coming and feel at ease. A friendly open manner, a smile and establishing good eye contact with them before you speak will be reassuring. If necessary come down to their level to make eye contact. Do not tower over them as they may find this threatening and do not approach them from behind. It is best not to call them or talk to them until you are close to them. Using a low tone of voice will be better than a high pitched tone.
Good lighting helps them to see what they are trying to do or to be able to focus on you. To get their attention on your face try putting something like a bright scarf around your neck or wearing a bright top.
Keep what you’d like to ask or say simple. Try to limit distractions around them such as too much noise. If there are too many distractions, try to find somewhere quiet to talk to them and allow them to sit down. Ask one question at a time in a clear manner and allow the person time to process what you are saying and to respond. Do not rush them or finish sentences for them.
If you are both struggling to understand words, use gestures, props or pictures. It is important not to show signs of frustration. A Person with Dementia will be ‘reading’ your body language and will reflect it back to you. So a relaxed and patient manner tends to put them at ease, any signs of frustration are quickly picked up.
You may notice that the Person is angry, frightened, sad or happy. Naming and validating the feelings you are seeing to them lets the Person with Dementia know that you understand and recognise their feelings: “Hello, I can see that you are …”. If there’s a problem you can’t sort out, distraction may work, but do not try to bring the Person into your reality. You have to go into their reality and distract them with something relevant to their reality.
A Person with Dementia is often reassured by touch. Try holding their hand. Check the person’s body language. Do they seem to be in pain but not able to express it clearly? Might they need medical help?
Someone who looks as though they are wandering and lost, may in fact well be walking with a purpose! In their mind they may be going to their place of work, off to collect children from school, going to the shops or going somewhere they once used to love visiting regularly. Try to find out what they are trying to achieve and where needed use distraction and validate their feelings. Are they carrying a card with their Carer’s contact details?
If the Person with Dementia knows you and forgets your name or confuses you with someone else, try not to feel angry or upset. They are travelling back through their factual bookcase to earlier years. By believing they are younger than they really are they may confuse you with their mother, father or another relative or friend from years ago. If they are happy and content in your company, take a real comfort from the fact that in their emotional bookcase, you are someone they like!
